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Isn't it pretty?

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Floundering

It's been a rough morning. I am feeling a bit out of sorts - lots of stress starting to pile up. At work, I am starting to really get into my position, and I am feeling like I have no idea what I am doing. It is a difficult feeling, because I am used to being extremely competent, and right now I feel like I don't know anything. I am a bit lonely; I haven't really met anyone yet and while I am extremely grateful that I do have a couple friends who have been wonderful to me, I still very much feel like I don't belong. And I was given a request last night that I just don't know if I can handle. So everything all together is making me feel like I am wandering in the dark, trying to feel my way through, but bumping into things at every turn. I feel like I am floundering around, sometimes able to make it to my destination, but sometimes getting really sidetracked along the way. I know that all these feelings are normal - but unfortunately that doesn't make them easy to deal with. People keep reassuring me that things will be fine, but I just want them to be fine already. One of the supervisors at work was really nice and told me that while initially he was unsure whether they hired the right person, he is very happy with their decision now and that I will be able to manage just fine. Which was really nice. A man in the bus station told me to have a good day out of the blue. I am trying to focus on these things rather than my uncertainty and distress. But I am having a hard time. Sorry for the whine, it helps a bit to get it out.

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