An Update

I don't know if anyone will read this, since I said goodbye several months ago. I didn't expect to blog again, and I don't expect to continue now. But so many things have changed that I felt the need to post an update.

I'm getting married in a week and a day.

Everything has changed so dramatically in my life since my last post that it's hard to quantify it. But yes, I'm getting married to a wonderful man who makes me incredibly happy. This relationship is so incredibly different from any others I've experienced. I can't wait to start my life with him.

The experience of finding a man who I am going to marry has made me do so much thinking, without finding a lot of answers. All I know now is that I have no idea why things happen when they do. But I do know this - my fiance said to me the day after we met, about an event that seemed awful, that I would look back and see that the bad event was the best thing that could have happened. And I now do.

I know I don't always get such quick positive hindsight, but I do see that he's right for most situations. I have no idea why I've gone through some things in my life, but I do see that they have made me who I am. And while there are a few things that I admit I regret, in general, I like to think I've learned and matured from my experiences.

It's said that on your wedding day, you get the opportunity to start anew. While I love that in some respects, I also don't want to forget all the lessons I've learned through my struggles and mistakes. And when I look at my fiance and see how we fit together so well, I realize that it wouldn't be so without all those past experiences. So I can look back and know that it was all for the best. And that's a great place to be.

Bye

I don't know if anyone will even see this, I've neglected my blog for so long. I felt like my blog deserved one last post - after over five years of semi-regular writing, it didn't seem fair to abandon it without so much as a good-bye. So I guess this is good-bye.

I started writing because I was bored at my job. I've moved on from there and I can honestly say that I am very rarely bored where I am currently working.

When I started blogging, it was still kinda new. There was a limited number of blogs out there. Now it's ubiquitous, everyone has one or has had one. It's not unique, and I kinda like being different.

I used to write because it helped me clear my thoughts. Then a lot of people started reading and I found that I wasn't as open and honest as was helpful. I didn't want to get too personal or expose myself too much, so I hid. And it kind of lost its purpose.

I met a ton of great people through my writing, many of whom I consider friends today. That hasn't gone away, nor would I think that it has lost its potential.

I just don't feel like writing anymore. Through good and bad things that have happened, stressful times and happy times, I just don't feel the need, the urge, the push anymore. I'm not quite sure how I get my thoughts out of my head anymore, but writing just doesn't have the same allure. So I stopped. And it's fine. I actually don't miss it like I once thought I would.

So I guess I'm saying good-bye to my blog, though hopefully not to the friends I've made through my blog. I'll still be lurking in the shadows, reading posts here and there. But Sweet Rose is signing out.

Silver Linings

I know I haven't been posting much lately. I think my blogging career is slowly eeking its way towards its end.

Regardless of that, I do have some slightly-delayed year-end observations and reflections that I thought I would share.

This year really pretty much sucked (I apologize to any readers with sensitivities to somewhat foul language). For so many reasons, my stress level was at a high. I was juggling a ton of responsibilities, I had to deal with some situations that I've never faced before and I felt lost in a lot of ways. I'm still dealing with a lot of it and struggling to find my way, though I feel like some things are at least a bit clearer now. Somewhat.

Through all this stress and confusion, one thing did become pretty clear to me, and that is who my friends really are and the fact that I am living in the right place. This past year, while I was the lowest and during those periods where I was dealing with some really difficult situations, people really came through. I had those people who checked in on me regularly just to make sure I was ok. I had people who were really there for me to talk to openly without judgment and with understanding. I had those who invited me over for Shabbos meals and even meals during the week just so I didn't have to be alone. These little things, that really weren't so little, meant a lot. New people and old people, I felt like relationships were redefined in many ways and I saw who I could really count on.

So at the outset of one of the more difficult years of my life, what I find is that I really do have a place and people who are there for me. That knowledge gives me some strength.

Shana Tova!

I wish everyone a sweet and wonderful New year :)

Lots of News

So many things to write about, but honestly, so little actual motivation to do so...

Here are a few things that have come up in the last few days (or weeks) and my incomplete thoughts about them:

This article about a town in Alabama, Dothan, whose Jewish community is offering $50K to move there. Many people sent the article to me, including a commenter here. It's an interesting proposal. I'm not sure exactly how it is funded, and whether it would be financially worth it to the congregation, nor how many families Dothan's Jewish community is willing to offer up so much money to bring down South, but if you've ever seriously considered the slow, Southern pace of life and have a desire to live in a small town, I would highly recommend it. It would certainly offer the opportunity to be an active member of a community - speaking from my own experience, even no longer living in a Southern town - when you are part of a small Southern Jewish community, you are taken care of, you are part of a family. That's not to say that I am not taken care of here in Yankee territory ;), but it's just not quite the same. My concern stemming from the article is more how all those transplants would affect the community, not how they would like it. It would be interesting to see a study five years from now to see how successful this venture turns out to be, and how integrated those families who do choose to move down there end up being.

Next topic up -

Lots and lots of people have already written about the resignation of Dr. Bentzion Twerski from Dov Hikind's Sexual Abuse Taskforce. I will admit that I haven't read all the posts, so what I am saying has most likely already been said. But I am aghast at the whole thing. Not the fact that Dr. Twerski resigned from the Taskforce. Because, honestly, there are only so many threats a person can take. But I am utterly appalled at any person who would threaten someone who is trying to do a service for their children. And important, necessary service. There have been so many cases recently to become public about the sexual abuse of children, and this man was trying to do something in order to make sure that these cases do not occur in the future. And people threatened his family and his future because of it. It is a blatant disregard for the safety of children and families, and honestly, the future of the Orthodox Jewish community. From the avalanche of cases that have arisen in the past few years, it is completely obvious that something MUST be done in order to educate and protect children from sexual predators. If that protection has to be from those whose reputations might be protected, too bad. I really am extremely saddened that anyone would stand in the way of the protection of children.

Finally, this article about a transgender professor at YU who has caused quite a stir in campus. Honestly, I have very mixed feelings about this one. But generally, I think it all boils down to whether YU has a clear policy about having on staff those who do not uphold halacha, which I don't believe they do. From what I understand (and I admit that I have not studied this in depth), yes, it is a violation of halacha to undergo a gender reassignment. However, from what I can figure out, this professor is not Jewish and has never claimed to follow halacha, which has been fine up until now, and is fine for numerous other professors at the school. Yes, this situation does cause a lot of other issues to arise, but I'm can't really figure out on what basis it is really such an outrage and how it clearly is different from any other staff member who is not Jewish and does not follow Jewish law, which seems to be fine with the university. I think the clear difference is that people are just not comfortable with the situation. It reminded me a bit of this article where students at all-women's colleges have chosen to undergo sexual reassignment surgery, though I think the implications there are much more thorny and difficult.

That's it for now.

Haveil Havalim

Check out this week's HH by The Rebbetzin's Husband (he was even so kind to include my post).

Cookie Cutter

Some of my commentors below suggested I look for guidance positions in Bais Yacov (Girl's Orthodox Jewish) schools. While I would not reject any offer without reason, the following story illustrated precisely why I have not been chasing such jobs:

A good friend of mine has been teaching at the local Orthodox girl's junior high school for the past two years. My friend had no training or qualifications when she started. No college degree or teaching experience whatsoever. But she comes from a known family and she was offered a position. She has worked incredibly hard to be an excellent teacher to her students. She has great classroom management, she teaches in creative ways to engage the students and she has constantly worked on her teaching skills and put in long hours outside the classroom in order to excel in her position. I have been extremely impressed and proud of what a good teacher she has become.

This friend also happens to be somewhat out of the box. She is totally committed to the Orthodox lifestyle, but she is a creative, artsy type and she has a strong personality which has sometimes put her at odds with the "typical" Orthodox standard (probably a big reason that we get along so well). While she completely adheres to the dress code guidelines of tzniut (modesty), of skirts below the knee, sleeves below the elbow, collarbone covered and since she has been married, hair fully covered, she could be characterized as a "Hot Chanie" with flair. She puts herself together absolutely beautifully, but she would not be looked upon as an "aidel maidel."

This afternoon, two weeks before the start of school, she got a call from the principal of the school who wanted to discuss a couple things with her before school starts. The main thrust of the conversation was my friend's dress.

According to this principal, who my friend has spoken very highly of in the past, "the goal of the school is to create cookie cutter children." She also stated that while it is admirable that my friend stresses and insists on respect and diligence in the classroom, her dress is confusing for its lack of being cookie cutter.

I'm extremely troubled by this for several reasons. First of all, children are NOT cookie cutter, no matter how hard you try to push them to be that way. For that to be the goal of the school completely disregards what it means to be a human being. And I also believe it completely disregards the concept from Torah that God made us each with our individual talents and strengths. To me, a school should be all about nurturing the individual child, and helping those children figure out who they are, rather than pressuring them to be cookie cutter. This attitude from the school also influences parents to treat all of their children the exact same way. And I think most parents who have more than one child will be able to tell you that they are each uniquely different, and the same treatment does not fit each of them.

I'm also troubled because this kind of attitude is exactly what will push a child away from Judaism. It will cause a child who, like my friend, doesn't quite fit the mold, to resent and despise the implication that there is something wrong with him or her for being slightly different or not fitting in to that cookie cutter.

Finally, I'm extremely disturbed that the school values a cookie cutter mentality amongst their teachers more highly than their teaching abilities. Yes, schools are expected to teach values to an extend, but the children are there to learn. And a school that would rather have a mediocre teacher who is completely uncreative but follows the herd is exactly the kind of school I would never want to send my child to, much less pay unaffordable tuition to attend.

I know not all Jewish, or Orthodox, schools have this focus, but I'm troubled by the idea that there are those that do. And that is exactly why, while I might be good at helping students in such schools who don't fit in, it doesn't seem like the administration would want me helping them. And why I am not so interested in working in one.

I certainly hope this is not the future of Orthodox Judaism.