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Isn't it pretty?

Thursday, August 18, 2005

Davening

I started davening again. For a while now, I have had a very hard time getting myself to daven (pray) on a regular basis. I just didn't have the motivation, or the connection, to push myself to do it. Which bothered me a lot, because I used to daven every day without a problem. I used to not even think about not doing it, but once you get in a habit of something, it is easy to let it bother you less and less. But since I started my new job, I have had a 30-40 minute bus ride into the city every morning, and I decided to make use of that time to talk to Hashem. I know the bus is not the prime location to daven - I can't stand when I have to, it is not such a spiritual setting. But the fact that I am doing it is what matters to me at this point. I feel good about this new routine. Like I said, even though it is not the optimal location, and I know that I could do better, at this point, I am glad that I am taking a step forward. It's so hard sometimes to talk to someone who doesn't answer, at least not with words. But I came home yesterday stressed out, and in the mail were two pieces that I wasn't expecting, and I suddenly knew that Hashem is watching out for me and taking care of me. And while I need to work on my connection with him, and it falters sometimes, those few minutes I am spending in the morning are making a difference to me. So I am happy that I am finding it within me to daven again. And I hope it continues, and increases. It feels good.

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