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Isn't it pretty?

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Out of Control

My bus was late this morning. When it finally did arrive, the seats were all full, so I had to stand the entire way to my stop, for over half an hour. Traffic was pretty bad, and then outside the bus station we sat outside waiting to get in, in back of another bus that just wasn't moving. So I ended up being about 15 minutes late for work, which I hate doing, especially with such a new job. And I had no control over it. While I was standing on the bus, frustrated, I tried to figure out exactly what about the situation was bothering me. Part of it was being out of control - there was absolutely nothing I could do to remedy the situation. But then I decided that the fact that I had no control should make me feel better - I couldn't help being late, it wasn't my fault. I also thought about the fact that if I were driving, I would probably be stuck in traffic as well, and I would still be late, and then I would feel like it was my fault, because I could have taken a different route or started earlier. But no,there was nothing I could do - I was at the bus stop on time, I was subject to the NJ Transit's limitations. I did the best I could. So when I finally walked into my office 15 minutes late,and the receptionist asked me how I was, I thought about giving him an earful - about how the bus was late, and I had to wait, and I hating being out of control. But I decided to spare him. Because there was nothing he could do about it either. And why should someone else have to be frustrated? It reminds me of the serenity prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

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