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Isn't it pretty?

Friday, April 16, 2004


I have been told that I am a "complex" person. I don't know that I disagree with that, but it makes me wonder if there is such a thing as a "simple" person. Every person is so complex, so I have problems when I hear someone say, "You are not the average (fill in the blank)." Because I don't think you can ever point to the average (fill in the blank). Every person is so unique that you can't pinpoint an average anything. Though some people definitely seem to fall into place better than others, some people seem to be more easily categorized than others. So I wonder about complexity and what it means to be complex. When people tell me I am complex, I think they mean that they feel that there is a lot that doesn't necessarily come out instantly. There are layers that I don't always reveal, or possibly ever reveal. Or maybe I haven't even figured out some of those layers. I think a lot of great artists and thinkers throughout history would have been described as complex. I am not sure someone who is not complex can create what would be considered "great art," whether it be paintings, music or prose. Someone who manages to create art that transcends time must be a person who has taken the time to try to understand the complexity of life, and being. But maybe I am wrong, maybe some people just have within themselves the inspiration to speak to generations. But again, I get caught up by the question of an uncomplex person. Because we all grow and change every day, and I don't know that one person can ever truly understand someone else. So how could a constantly changing person not be considered complex? Maybe there are those who don't dwell as much on issues, or don't take the time to delve into their depths. But I feel like everyone must be capable of the same complexities, I feel like it is a part of being human. I wonder what determines whether someone will become "complex" or "simple." Is it innate, something hot-wired into our brains? Or is it learned, something that comes from experience? Maybe those of us who encounter certain experiences in our lives are led to the complex path? Is complexity something that is inherent in every person, but some have not dug deep enough to explore their inner layers? Or do some people really have more layers than others? I am not sure whether the description of complex is meant by others as a compliment or a criticism. It probably depends on who issues the description. But I know that if I wasn't the complex person that I am, I wouldn't be me. I wouldn't be capable of the same aspirations and accomplishments if I didn't dwell on things the way I do. Would life be simpler if I was less complex? Maybe. Would I sleep better if I could learn to supress my deeper layers and not think so much? Probably. But would that be better? I am not so sure.


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