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Isn't it pretty?

Monday, August 25, 2003

It was fine

I wish I could just not expect anything. I hate when you get excited about the possibility of something, you play it over in your mind, you think you know what to expect... And then when the moment finally happens, it is not at all like you expected. The event that you had hoped would be extremely enjoyable, fun, easy, ends up being fine. Nothing to write home about, certainly. Not horrible, not a story that you can entertain your friends with or anything. But just okay. Blah. Nondescript. And that's not the end of it. You have to see it through to the end, because you don't want to cut something out of your life because it is "just fine." So now you have to wait a week to follow up on your fine encounter, to see if it could possibly be made into something more than fine, something that you might want to nurture, and make into a part of your life. But you are dreading it, and in dreading it, will probably make it worse anyway. So you really try to not think about it, to give it the benefit of the doubt, "it was a bad time", "you weren't at your best", or even "it will be better next time." You hope that this is the case. But in the back of your head you are thinking, "Why?" Anyone have any suggestions for making a "fine" situation more enjoyable? Please, I have six days and counting to find a new attitude!

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