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Isn't it pretty?

Wednesday, August 06, 2003

The Evil Green-Eyed Monster

Ok, here are my current thoughts on overcoming my particular nisayon of jealousy. I have had trouble for the past few years (especially this last one) being truly happy for someone who gets engaged or married, because that is what I want so much for myself. It is something that has bothered me, why can't I be happy for someone else? Why can't I push beyond thinking about myself and feel for others in a more empathetic way? So last night I was thinking about a friend of mine who told me how she would like to be married within the next two years (and even in two years, she won't be nearly as old as I am now) and how I was having trouble hearing her say that and really wish that it comes true for her. But then I thought about how much I hate dating, and everyone I know who has been dating hates it so much, how it is so much pressure, and frustration, and disappointment. And then I realized that I really did not want my friends, or anyone at all for that matter, to have to go through all those frustrations. And in that moment, I realized that if I could focus on being happy that someone who gets engaged doesn't have to date anymore, I really can be happy for them. Because I know what it is like to date, and I wish that I could be done with it. I truly can imagine the joy of being done with dating, and that feeling is one that I can hope for others. So, that is my new outlook. Wish me luck in remembering it and feeling it the next time someone I know gets engaged.

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