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Isn't it pretty?

Tuesday, August 05, 2003

Ramble On

Ok, here's a blog that probably won't make much sense or be terribly entertaining, but it's stuff that I needed to get out: I never did like surprises. I was always the kind who wanted to know what I was getting for my birthday or Chanukah. I never wanted to wait to open my presents. Nor did I make other people wait to open things I got for them. Which is why I am having such a hard time believing that the right person will come along for me. Why I have such a hard time waiting for him. Why can’t I just know who he is going to be already? Why do I have to go through all these wrong people? I am sure the questions have been asked before, and I know so many people who have gone through so much more than me, I should be grateful that I don’t have any really horrible stories, that I have not been divorced, or abused or anything else. I know that intellectually, but I am having a hard time with it emotionally. And it makes it worse when I can’t keep my mouth shut. I tell everyone what is going on with my life, and then my mom gets all excited and there is nothing to tell her. Hashem, please, just give me the strength to get through this incredibly frustrating part of my life. You know what else it is? There have been very few things that I have not been able to accomplish. I am not used to it and I don’t deal with it well. I usually deal with it by giving up and acting like it doesn't matter, but this is something that I can’t give up on so easily and it really does matter. It is frustrating, and irritating, and I have to go through it. And I have to ask the help of lots of people along the way, another thing I am not good at doing. Hashem, is this what you are trying to teach me? If so, let me learn quickly and be able to move on. Lessons for the day: Patience. Wait and good things will come. Hashem knows best. Learn something from everything. It is okay to ask for help when you need it.

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