The Comfort of Train
I am finding the Aseres Yemei Teshuvah difficult. Every time I try to do a spiritual accounting, I am coming up flat. Part of it, I think, is because I am still having a hard time placing myself and feeling at home in my new surroundings, so everything is kind of dark-colored and difficult in general. Another reason is because I am harder on myself than I would be on others, so I am finding myself focusing on those things I did wrong this year rather than right. And it has been cloudy and rainy for days, which always makes things a bit blue. And finally this coming weekend marks a huge change in my life and the end of a long era for me, an event which I am having a hard time dealing with (more to probably be written about this later - suffice it to say that I have a very difficult task ahead of me). So I was walking through New York, on my way to work this morning, feeling blue, when the following song by Train (who, by the way, I was a big fan of before they became popular) began playing: "When I Look To The Sky" When it rains it pours and opens doors And floods the floors we thought would always keep us safe and dry And in the midst of sailing ships we sink our lips into the ones we love That have to say goodbye And as I float along this ocean I can feel you like a notion that won't seem to let me go Cause when I look to the sky something tells me you're here with me And you make everything alright And when I feel like I'm lost something tells me you're here with me And I can always find my way when you are here And every word I didn't say that caught up in some busy day And every dance on the kitchen floor we didn't have before And every sunset that we'll miss I'll wrap them all up in a kiss And pick you up in all of this when I sail away And as I float along this ocean I can feel you like a notion that I hope will never leave Whether I am up or down or in or out or just plane overhead Instead it just feels like it is impossible to fly But with you I can spread my wings to see me over everything that life may send me When I am hoping it won't pass me by And when I feel like there is no one that will ever know me there you are to show me Cause when I look to the sky something tells me you're here with me And you make everything alright And when I feel like I'm lost something tells me you're here with me And I can always find my way when you are here The minute I hear the first strains of the song, I always sigh. And I never can listen to it just once. I like to think that all I have to do it look up and know that Hashem is there. It makes me feel better.