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Isn't it pretty?

Monday, November 22, 2004

Who Has It Worse - Men or Women?

Being a woman, I have often been in the middle of a group of fellow females when the complaining starts. I hear myriad complaints about how men don't understand women, how men are immature, how men don't treat women properly. It can go on and on. (Guys - hang in there, I will get to your side, I promise.) And in the shidduch realm, the fact that it is so much easier for guys to get dates, how they have lists or incredible girls to go out with, how there are so many fewer older unmarried guys who are put together and as remarkable as their female counterparts.

As for online dating, you hear the common complaints about how guys don't respond with the common courtesy that should be expected, how they judge a girl strictly on her picture even though their pictures are often just plain scary, and how men send e-mails asking completely inappropriate questions. Hearing all this, I could quickly conclude that women definitely have the raw end of the dating stick. The problem is this. When I am talking to guys, they have some of the same complaints, and some additional complaints about women. Men are always expected to be the ones to call, to bring up the hard topics, to initiate contact. I have had older guys tell me that it not easier at all for them to get dates, especially if they don't have a grand schedule of learning, making lots of money and doing chesed combined with being tall, dark and handsome (okay, some blondes can get dates also).

Women are focused on how much money a guy makes, if he is taller than she is, where he takes her to dinner. The women just have to look nice - the guy has to do all the planning, and the paying for the dates (which can really add up when a girl wants to be taken out to fancy restaurants all the time). For complaints in online dating, the men say that women don't want to reveal a thing about themselves, they can barely write a sentence, and their pictures are often just as bad as men's. I have even heard men complain about the fact that women have it so good because they really network with each other and have close, supportive relationships which men don't tend to have. Is this true? I am not sure - you guys out there will have to let me know.

So who has it worse? I think it sucks whichever side you are on. But maybe instead of sticking with our own gender and complaining, we should get out and empathize with each other. Get to know each other. Who knows, maybe something could even come of it. Chime in and let me know what you think.

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