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Isn't it pretty?

Friday, August 27, 2004

One Week

It's been a week - a week of too much thinking, too much emotion, keeping myself busy so I can't think too much. Running myself into the ground so that by the time I get into bed I don't have the energy to do anything but sleep. Guessing, second-guessing, third-guessing. Coming to conclusions and then changing them over and over. Feeling so many different things, and not knowing which one to choose. Worrying about others, and then myself, and then others again. Wanting to put myself first but not sure if I can, if I ever really have. Wanting to do what is best for myself and others, but not sure if I can. Wondering and rehashing and reading too much into nothing. It has been doubting myself, and feeling like I am weak, though having my friends tell me and knowing inside that I really am not. It has been looking at my past and knowing that I have done what it takes to do the right thing and move my life on the right path, and that takes strength, not weakness. It has been a week of facing decisions that I have been putting off for too long. And I have finally realized that I need to take action in order to force myself to make the decisions I already know are the right thing for me. I need to take action to force myself to do the things I have been meaning to do while I have been telling myself I have time. I might have time, but it feels good to know what I am going to do, what path I am on. It is amazing how something that is unrelated to a lot of things becomes the catalyst for making other decisions. My decisions are not all final, but I am coming a lot closer, and that is a good feeling.

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