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Isn't it pretty?

Monday, September 08, 2003

My Co-Worker

Friday I got in a yelling match with one of my co-workers. The same co-worker that I have trouble dealing with on a regular basis. It's a long story, but basically it ended up with her coming into my office and yelling at me and me not being able to sit quietly and take it. I told her more than once that I didn't think we should discuss it right then, but she would not leave me alone. She personally attacked me, saying that I shouldn't present myself as being such a "good Jewish, Christian, upright person" if I was going to stab her in the back. I felt I couldn't just sit there and be a complete doormat, and not say anything, so I ended up saying some things that were not so nice either, though I don't think they were on the same level of personal attack. (You will have to take my word for it, but I could be wrong, because of course I am not objective.) Driving home from work, I thought about what she said, and started feeling guilty. My actions were definitely not a kiddush Hashem that day. It is Elul, and I should be striving for growth. I know that I can't be perfect, but in this situation, it is obvious that I am being judged for every action that I make, and I need to be extremely cautious in my interactions. So when I got home from work, I turned on my computer and wrote her an apology, asking her to forgive me for my actions, and telling her that I did not intend to hurt her in any way, even stating that I need to work harder on thinking before speaking. I got a very lengthy response from her, telling me that she appreciates my apology but saying that she doesn't feel she can trust me and that she doesn't think that I have her best interests at heart. It goes on and on, making negative references to our boss and saying that she no longer wants to work with me on projects, because she thinks that I will consequently screw her over. Sigh. I am disappointed in myself for getting into the situation in the first place, but I think I am more disappointed to see that this woman, who is very bright and could have a lot going for her, has so many issues and doesn't even seem to see it. I have no idea what the answer is here, or even how I should handle the situation, because I do want to be a good representative of Hashem, of Jews. I am at a loss here, hopefully Hashem will help guide me in this one, because I definitely need the help. And I hope that Hashem will help my co-worker, because I think she definitely needs some help also.


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