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Isn't it pretty?

Monday, December 26, 2005

Another Shadchan Meeting

At shul this Shabbos, I was at the kiddush when my roommate who is engaged walked up to me and wanted to introduce me to her soon-to-be aunt. As we were walking towards her aunt, she says to me, "She's a shadchan." Oy. My roommate certainly has my best interests at heart, I know that. She loves me and wants to see me get married. But she hasn't quite caught on to the fact that I abhor random shadchan meetings, that I vastly prefer to get to know someone fairly well and then have them set me up with someone else that they actually know. My worst dates have been those set up by shadchanim who mean well (and I do appreciate their efforts) but who just aren't able to grasp the complexity of who I or another person is in a 20-minute meeting. I couldn't get out of it at that point. I walked up to this woman with my roommate and she introduced me. Then my roommate started touting my strong points. She told her aunt-to-be what fabulous challah I make, and what a great cook I am, and how I am really going to be able to take care of a home. I was actually a bit insulted at this description, because I am much more than my cooking and homemaking and I want any guy who I go out with to know that! But then my roommate went on to describe me more colorfully - she described my creative streak, my slight funkiness, the fact that I am looking for someone who does his own thing, rather than following the crowd. Almost made up for the homemaking remarks. Then the shadchan asked me a few questions before telling me that she needs me to type up a bio because she won't remember the critical details that so many people will ask her about me. You know, how many siblings I have, what school I went to. The important stuff. Right. (Can you read the sarcasm?) I told her that those details don't matter, that I am much more than that. She replied that I was right, but someone would ask those questions, so she needed to have the information in front of her. To give her credit, she did say that those were the things that she won't remember, that she remembers middos. But I still hate the fact that she needs it at all. Because any guy who asks those questions of her and seriously considers whether or not to date me based on the answers is not the guy for me. Any guy who cares about the fact that my brothers are unmarried is not going to have the same values as me. Someone who asks what school I went to will get a long list of educational institutions ranging from Canada to Alabama, and none of them Jewish, so why bother asking? The only reason someone should ask those questions and care about the answers is to see just how far I have come. Because I can tell you now, there's probably not another student who attended Will Rogers Elementary School who is frum today. But unfortunately, that's not the reason people ask. I think people need to start focusing on what is important in shidduchim - Character. Values. Goals in life.

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