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Isn't it pretty?

Thursday, February 05, 2004

Who Am I?

So, I have been having issues these days. I was trying to write a bit about myself yesterday and I found that I couldn't. Trying to put a few words on a page to summarize who I am was suddenly the most difficult project I could think about attempting. I mean, I am a student, an employee, a daughter, a sister, a friend, but what does that mean? None of that captures what makes me an individual. I have had this problem in the past, when trying to describe myself, having a problem with feeling like I am just one of the crowd, indistinguishable from anyone else. But this time it is different, it wasn't that I couldn't figure out what makes me unique, I felt that I didn't even know who I am these days. My priorities have shifted so much in the past few months. School has opened up a new avenue for me, an avenue that I want to follow. But getting a formal education is supposed to lead on a path to somewhere and at the moment, while I am loving the hike down the path, I don't know where this avenue ends up. I know it is not necessarily a bad thing, that sometimes the process is more important than the outcome, and you learn so much just by going through the process, by taking the hike down the path. I guess I just feel like this hike is becoming a bit rocky and steep at times. Though I am not one to avoid a challenge. Maybe I just want to know what my destination is so I have something to aim for. I have found in the past that having a goal is always helpful so you know what you are striving to accomplish, and the fact that at the moment, I am unsure of my goal makes the hard work less rewarding in the sense that I don't know if it is advancing me in the right or wrong direction. But I guess hard work is never wasted. Oy.

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