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Isn't it pretty?

Sunday, September 10, 2006

The Perplexities of Blogging

Blogging is wonderfully rewarding, and incredibly frustrating at the same time. A lot of the things that I would most like to blog about are the same things that I just can't.

The things that I NEED to write about, that crave being crafted into words in order to form themselves into recognizable shapes and coherent thoughts. The things that want sympathy and empathy and understanding. The things that hurt and confuse. The things that sprout hope and lead to despair.

But there's so much that I just can't (or I guess won't) blog about. Because I know who reads my blog. Because I don't know who reads it. Because I don't want to hurt anyone. Because I just can't get too personal, it's too scary in such a public forum. Because there are certain things that I think are better left unsaid, especially again, in such a public forum. Because I feel like I have carved this "image" of myself on my blog and I would be afraid to shatter it.

So many of these struggles are the same as in life - what to say and not to say. Who you can trust and who you can't. Who you have to "uphold" your image for. Who you can let your guard down before and no longer worry about because you know they accept you regardless.

There are so many days when I think about walking away from my blog, just not writing any more. But I haven't yet been able to. But I reserve the right to do it, one day.

11 Comments:

  • so weird! i was just thinking the same thing today, about "blog boundaries." what i'll say, what i'm willing to share, what i'm not. and also the "image" that the blog projects, and how close is that to the "real me?" great minds think alike, hey?

    happy chai elul, may the light of the ba'al shem tov and the alter rebbe guide your path.

    By Blogger Maven, at 9/10/06, 11:22 PM  

  • I try to make my blog as impersonal as possible. That may sound suprising considering the nature of my blog, but I try to keep the personal stuff out of it.

    When I feel the need to share, I find a dog or a tape recorder.

    By Blogger respondingtojblogs, at 9/11/06, 1:01 AM  

  • I feel that way sometimes too. Like there's something on my mind but I don't feel it's appropriate to share. And so I put it in my diary.

    By Blogger Lvnsm27, at 9/11/06, 2:54 AM  

  • guess what? i've been trying to keep up with ur blog as much as possible...even thought to have one too,but thinking about all the effort it requires to keep it up to date and the patience it requires, and knowing how i am...anyway its interesting to know how life goes on at your place...infact am at the other side of the globe and a complete stranger at the way life is in america...so its interesting to know it through blogs...but as you said, its not the whole fish but only the flesh and not the 'bones' - oups forgot how to say that in english :) well for me who is so far away, i dont think that telling anything personal or completely a u-turn to your blog will either add or substract anything from both our lives except maybe a little fear because of the 'importance' of the matter...however the problem with blogging is that there are people close to you who have access to it and it is more there (supposed) thoughts that 'matters'...well for me, i won't mind to hear/counsel or just 'listen' about how life is...(ive always love to know the depth of others)
    BTW a 'philosophy' you might know :) POBODY'S NERFECT and guess what nobody except you to be perfect except those who are...(idiots) lol

    By Anonymous h2oil, at 9/11/06, 4:03 AM  

  • this is supposed to be fun... if it becomes a burden, give it up. I enjoy your blog very much. The idea that your posts about things you feel 'safe' talking about, but have a deeper 'need' to post about things you dont really want to blog about is sad.

    I truly hope you find another way to share those thoughts.

    By Blogger almost_frei, at 9/11/06, 7:04 AM  

  • Maven -
    It seems to have struck a chord with several people. It's a constant balance to attempt to strike.

    R2JB -
    I am surprised to hear that, because I think what you share is quite personal. Have you actually adopted a puppy yet?

    lvnsm27 -
    I was never very good at keeping a diary. Somehow the interaction of the blog keeps me writing.

    h2oil -
    Glad to know that you follow from so far away. I'm not so concerned with you reading my personal info, much moreso those who know me in person.

    almost-frei -
    Glad that you enjoy. I do enjoy the writing and sharing, but am just not sure how much I am comfortable with...

    By Blogger Shoshana, at 9/11/06, 8:57 AM  

  • Every other post I've meant to comment on lately I haven't had time for, but I just have to on this one...

    A blog simply isn't a diary or a place to put one's personal thoughts/vents, unless not a soul knows who you are or could ever figure it out. It can be used to do so, but then it's the same as talking - except you're not choosing who you're talking to or who you're not. As much as I'm not anonymous, or R2JB may discuss his personal struggles, or others may discuss their families/issues/etc., everyone has their own line of what they will or won't say. To some extent, we may even specifically reveal 'personal' stuff which seems incredibly personal (and may even be), but it's only a small slice of who we are and what we're thinking deep down.

    Certain issues it may just be a matter of 'getting over it'. That's where the Dr. Seuss/Serach quote comes in: Do you really care if some people are going to judge you/think differently about you for having certain thoughts/feelings? If they will, perhaps they're not the friends et al you think they are.

    For everything else, however... there are still phones, private e-mails, and friends to listen. Blogging is one of many tools people can use in incredible ways, but it still can't replace everything else.

    By Blogger Ezzie, at 9/11/06, 7:14 PM  

  • *Gasp* don't give up your blog yet, I've only just found you!!
    :D

    By Blogger Baleboosteh, at 9/12/06, 8:53 AM  

  • Ezzie -
    You are right, a blog is not the same as a diary, and it's not the same thing as interacting in person. But it can be useful (and make you enough friends to populate your blog with guest posters;)

    Baleboosteh -
    I wouldn't worry too much, I don't think I'm ready to give up quite yet.

    By Blogger Shoshana, at 9/12/06, 9:27 PM  

  • That is why anonymous blogging is so popular. Because it allows someone to be totally open and candid without fear of consequences - unless they're outed.

    Even if you aren't anonymous though, it can be quite cathartic to be open every now and then when you blog.

    By Blogger Dot Co Dot Il, at 9/13/06, 2:09 AM  

  • Dot -
    I think if I were totally anonymous, there are certain things that I would write about more openly, but probably a lot of the things I refrain from writing would be the same. Blogging is nice for the occasional venting session though, I must admit. However, try to temper it due to the fact that I don't really want readers to come away with the image that I am a whiny, complaining type of person, because I don't think I am.

    By Blogger Shoshana, at 9/13/06, 12:53 PM  

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