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Isn't it pretty?

Wednesday, April 13, 2005

The Destruction of Anger

I’ve never really understood anger, the anger that causes one person to want to hurt another. I have been through plenty of pain, and disappointment; I get frustrated fairly easily. I can understand the desire to lash out in response to something that hurts you, but it has been a rare day when I have actually been able to do so. But what I really can’t understand is the long-standing anger that consumes a person so much that they continue lashing out long beyond the event that upset them, the desire to really hurt another person, to exact revenge. The anger seems to possess the person that holds it, harming them much more than the object of the anger. It takes so much energy to continue trying to hurt another person, so much energy that could be used on much more positive, constructive projects. I see people who are angry at the world, and they exude such angry, dark energy that it just makes me sad. And their need for revenge, their need to hurt others just digs them into a deeper and deeper hole. It is the revenge aspect that I have never been able to bring myself to do, or even understand. I don’t understand why it would make someone feel better to hurt someone else. Why it is better for both to be hurt rather than just one. It seems so much easier, and better, to let things go. I am not a pushover – I can stand up for myself when I have to, but when someone insults me or hurts me, I have never seen how it helps to hurt them back. I have always felt that it just brought me down to a lower level, and while it might hurt them back, it really hurts me more. Because then I have to acknowledge the fact that I let my pride allow me to hurt another person. And my pride is better off with the knowledge that I try my hardest not to hurt others (though I admit that I don’t always succeed, I do at least try). So I have a lot of trouble with being the brunt of such an anger. The actions taken, the insults flung at me, don't hurt me so much. What bothers me is that there is a person out there who is so upset, so angry, that they would feel the need to expend the energy to TRY to hurt me. That they are so consumed with the need to hurt me that they let it burn them up inside, and let them focus on pain, rather than trying to let go of it and walk away and pursue more positive actions. I don't know how to resolve such anger. Ignoring it, confronting it, trying to remedy it. Nothing seems to work, because I know it isn't really about me, it is about the person who is angry. I guess the only thing I can do is hope that the person who is angry finds it in themselves to let their anger go, not for me, but for themselves.

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