Tisha B'Av

Tisha B'Av is the day when Jews commemorate the destruction of both of the Temples.  We are supposed to cry for the destruction, and dispersion of the Jews from Jerusalem.  While I this is absolutely something that is worthy of our mourning throughout the year, I have to admit that I have a lot of difficulty connecting to it, really feeling sad about the destruction of the Beis HaMikdash. I usually manage to find some tears on Tisha B'Av, but they are usually not for the right reasons.  I can muster up sadness, drawing from my own experiences, but I don't know that they are really because of the exile that we are in today.  I watch the videos about the violence in Israel, and feel very strongly for the victims, but I don't know whether I am focused on the appropriate topic. I find Tisha B'Av a wonderful opportunity to cry, to release the many emotions that plague me throughout the year.  But I am always haunted that I am not crying for the right thing, that it is more about me than Klal Yisrael.  Fasting often makes it harder - I am focused on my empty stomach, my thirsty palate and my aching head rather than why we are fasting.  This year, I hope that I can focus outward, less on me and more on the Jewish people.  Less on my personal nisayons, and more on the fact that Jews can't find it in themselves to like each other and work together.  Less on my being alone and more on the fact that we, for some reason, can't live together.