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Isn't it pretty?

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

The Real Me

There is a saying (and I am going to butcher it, so I apologize in advance) that you can tell who a person really is by how they handle themselves through their money, their anger and their drinking. I question that. Last night, I went out for dinner with some of my girlfriends - we wanted to celebrate Valentine's Day enjoying each other's company, treating ourselves on a day which is typically reserved for couples. We decided to order a bottle of wine with dinner. We were tired of the typical girly wine that we usually drink, so we ordered something that apparentely was a bit stronger. I had a couples glasses and realized that I was feeling the effects (okay, I admit that I'm a lightweight). When I got home (no, I didn't drive), I called a friend and we proceeded to have a conversation that probably wouldn't have occurred had I not been under the influence. I admit that when I drink (which doesn't happen that often), I am definitely less inhibited than I normally am. I take less time thinking about what I am going to say, and things fly from my mouth without the usual care I put into making sure what I say is what I actually mean. It's not that I say anything bad, or harmful, I just know and can feel that the lag time between thought and speech is much less. My friend says that when I am drunk it is the real me, the truth about who I am comes out. I argued. I asked why it has to be that the uninhibited me is the real me. What if the real me is someone who takes a lot of care about what I say, and does take time to measure my words before I say them. Again, it's not that what comes out of my mouth when I am drunk is so radically different than when I am not, but I am definitely less careful with my speech. It's interesting to see people who have been drinking. Some become crazy party animals. Some become philosophical. Some you can't tell are drunk at all. I know I become louder than I normally am, and I certainly think things are a lot funnier. But is this louder self really me? Are the crazy party animals really those people? Are they letting their inner, true self come out, or are they letting a part of themselves out that is not really them, just cutting loose and blowing off steam, but maybe that is just a slice of the part of who they are that needs to get out from time to time. I am not sure which one is real. I like to think I am true to who I am most of the time, whether drunk or not. I know the me who comes out when I drink doesn't feel so much like me, though it obviously is in there somewhere.

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