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Isn't it pretty?

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Trust

I think trust works in two ways. For some, when meeting new people, trust must be earned through time and experience. As you get to know someone, and they prove themselves capable of following through, and of being reliable and trustworthy, trust builds. When you tell them things that you don’t want shared, and those things are kept private, the trust grows. Eventually, you end up with trusting relationships that you can count on, and you know who you can trust with what. And you know who you can’t trust. This approach is hard because you have to give people some chance to gain your trust, and if you don’t trust them, it is hard to give them that chance. And if they let you down, forget it, it will never happen. So you can sometimes end up not trusting people, and relying on only yourself. The other way that trust works is when you trust someone immediately, and only when they disappoint you, do they lose that trust. You will depend on them from the beginning; you let them in on secrets. Only when you find they are not dependable, do you stop giving them trust, and start drawing back. The second approach can end up with a rubber band effect. As time goes on, you draw back and pull close. You find that there are some things you can trust a person with and some things you can’t. And sometimes the rubber band snaps, and there is no longer any hold on the relationship at all. The trust has been worn to the point that it can no longer be brought close, the last thread breaks. I think I use a mix of the two approaches. There are some things that I have an innate trust of others about. I assume they will follow through and not let me down. Sometimes I am disappointed, sometimes I am not. But then, for the deepest things, it takes time (a lot of time) and some kind of proof that shows I can bare myself and not be scared to be left hanging. And sometimes, even after waiting before letting someone into my “trust zone,” I am still disappointed. Because people are human. But whichever way you go with trust, or whether, like me, you use a mixture of the two, it is hard when there are few people who you do trust. It is lonely to have a lot of things inside with no one who you can reveal them to. I am not sure if that means I should be quicker to trust people with those deep things, because history has shown that it can backfire. Or maybe I just need to work harder to find people I can trust. Or maybe I should just enjoy the feeling of trusting while it is there, and hope for the best. All I know is, it’s not always easy to find the right balance.

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