The Hiddenness of Hashem

I didn't blog yesterday because it was Taanis Esther and I didn't want anyone to have to try to make sense of my thoughts when brain had been deprived of food. However, I did want to say a few things about Purim. One of the things that I am always struck by is the fact that Hashem's name is not mentioned a single time in the Megillas Esther. (This strikes me as appropriate because when I look around at people getting drunk on Purim, I have a hard time seeing Hashem also.) I wouldn't want to speak for anyone else, but I know that there are times when I wonder if Hashem is up there, if He really cares about everything that is going on in my life, why He is making things so difficult. I wonder why certain things are easy for some and not for others, or why I am put in a particular situation that seems to make my life that much more confusing. I wonder why some people seem to suffer so much. And then I look back at my life, and I take note of the things and people who are in my life. Some of my closest friends, some of the people who make a huge difference in my life and are now gone from it, some of the adventures I have gone through - they just don't make sense. I don't believe these things happened by chance. I didn't recognize at the time what an impact some of these events and people would make on my life. But in looking back, I can honestly say that I think Hashem had a hand in bringing me to the point I am at today. And I think that today, while I am going through a lot of internal confusion about where I am headed, Hashem is guiding me and wants me to go through all this for a reason. I am just not sure what the reason is yet. I think in the story of Purim, while the characters do not proclaim out loud Hashem's influence, Hashem is there, guiding the Jews to reaffirm their faith and to come together as a community to combat their own obliteration. I think sometimes it takes a crisis to make a person or group of people listen and pull together. I think one of the crises we speak of today is that of assimilation. I have been wondering lately about why Hashem would allow assimilation and Judaism that doesn't embrace Torah as His word if it was absolutely wrong. I think maybe Hashem is telling us that we need to come together, to have Ahavas Yisrael, rather than writing off so many Jews as "non-believers" and therefore unworthy of our respect. Maybe we need to be looking harder for Hashem's hidden presence in the messages He sends us. Sometimes it is the softest whisper that moves us the most.