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Isn't it pretty?

Monday, November 21, 2005

I am Me

There are times in your life when who you are is put to the test. When you are asked if you could be someone else. When you are asked to stretch who you are, and possibly try to mold yourself based on someone else's dream. If you can manage to stretch yourself, it would lead to many possibilities. But it could also lead to unhappiness and the prospect of not being true to yourself. When faced with this kind of thing, it's not easy to stand strong and say - I am me, and I can't be anyone else, no matter who is asking me to do it. There are many reasons to try to be someone who I am not. But I just can't do it - I have to be true to who I am. And in facing this decision, I learn about myself in so many ways. Recently, I was asked to look at myself and really see who I am and who I could be. I can be many things that I currently am not, and there are many things that I someday hope to be that I am not today. But there are also a lot of things that I can not, and will not, ever be able to be. Though sometimes, like in my recent experience, I kind of wish I could. This experience was painful in many ways, but in many ways, it also gave me a lot of strength and I learned a lot of things from it. I learned what my boundaries are. I learned that I know who I am. And I learned that I won't, and can't, be someone who I am not. That I can't force myself to not be true to who I am, no matter what temptation is set before me. No matter how strongly I would sometimes like to. I can't be something I am not, because I know that the ultimate result would be my unhappiness. I don't think I knew myself and could have made the same decision a few years ago. Actually I know that's the case. I used to try to please others, and in the process, compromised who I was. I can't do that anymore, and while that makes some things harder, I think I am better off for it, and will be better off, in the long run. I am Me, and I won't apologize for that. It doesn't make everything easy. But I am proud of who I am and I am proud of the fact that I know who I am. And though this recent event was difficult and it hurt, the lesson I learned of knowing those things was worth it.


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